Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
that's an acceptable place to lick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
