I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
