a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
