I cockslap morals
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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