hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
