Umm I'm too high to move.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize