You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
