Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
