And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
