I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
