Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
