Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize