cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
