So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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