why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
