that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize