She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
