so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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