i think my tv is drunk
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
