One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
