so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
