help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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