just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize