If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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