It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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