so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
