So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
