yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
