Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
