The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
