If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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