He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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