It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
