the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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