kristin has been a bad kristin
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
