so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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