I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
