I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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