Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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