I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
