happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
