Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
