this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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