I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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