i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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