how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
