he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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