alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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