Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
