babies were throwing up all over the place
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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