well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
