Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
