i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
