I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
