Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
