The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
