Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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