Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
