Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
