problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
