after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
