9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
