he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
