fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize