Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
