so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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