how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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