I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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