I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you made out with another girl for some wings
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
