If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
