I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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