I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
