he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
