The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dick very happy bro
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
