I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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