possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
