I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
