it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
