Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize