That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
