Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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