If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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