It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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