just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
