Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
