he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
