I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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