last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
