bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
