$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
