her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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