we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize