Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
