i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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