I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
